Our birth story

Welcome back one and all! My lovely friends, I hope you’ve been doing well and hangin in there.

These last couple of weeks have been a journey (to say the least) and I’m happy to be to be writing again. As we finish up week four of River’s life, I’ve been reminiscing (and getting way too sentimental) over our ever fleeting time with our baby girl.

If you follow me on Instagram you’ve seen me post a little bit about my experience thus far. To fill everyone else in, I haven’t totally enjoyed the whole shift and transition - its been quite hard. HOWEVER, I gotta say, this tiny dancer has stolen my motherfuckin heart.

Love.

I don’t say the “L” word often. If you ask my family, they’d tell you I don’t ever say it.

“Love” makes me uncomfortable and that word rarely makes it out of my mouth. Its always been tough for me - emotions arent my forte. So you know I’m serious when I say... I love this River of mine.

God damn, do I love her.

The other night, without even trying, I was able to tell her I loved her. And that, my friends, is something.

So, as we come up on this one month mark, I wanna share my birth story.

Our birth story

On March 26th I woke up to see my stomach had gotten significantly lower. Where River had once been able to kick and jab my ribs (which was her favorite fucking activity to do) she could no longer reach! Fin👏🏻a👏🏻lly👏🏻.

This was great news cause I was getting closer but, honestly, it didn’t do me any good. It only set me in a spiral of impatience. I spent the next 22 damn days thinking any movement that wasn’t normal and any pain was the beginning of labor.

I spent hours watching labor and delivery videos and went on so many walks. I did everything I could to induce labor. Curb walking was a regular occurrence. I ate a full pineapple and had a lot of spicy food. But the reality is, little girl just wasn’t ready.

On River’s due date (April 13th) I went in for my final exam before we would be induced on the 20th. My plan was to give birth naturally and being induced was not what I wanted, so I asked for a membrane sweep to see if we could get the ball rolling. We did the sweep (which was uncomfortable but not bad, don’t let the internet scare you about the pain level) and we were on our way home.

I genuinely believed we would be back at the hospital that night. I could feel it - she was coming.

But, alas, she never came. No one really ever explains the last week or so of being pregnant. You truly feel like you’ll be pregnant forever and it can really get you down when you make little progress. What I kept being reminded of, was that she was going to come... no matter what, I would have a baby soon. I just kept forgetting that fact.

Two agonizingly long days passed. I kept my mind busy and kept working.

On April 15th at 11:15 am I thought my water broke (It hadn’t). I couldn’t be sure. I had no clue what that was like, this was my first baby after all. I called the dr and they said to give it time and come in if contractions started - they didn’t. Again, I felt defeated. Little did I know... 12 hours later, at 11:30 pm, the contractions would start.

Jake and I were watching some crazy ass movie about nazis and prison when boom. The waves started coming.

I’d cried wolf so many times up until this point that I didn’t even tell Jake they’d started. I waited until I had at least 3 consistent contractions before saying, “so... uh.... I think I’m in labor?”

We pulled out the contraction app and started tracking. Sure enough, an hour of contractions went by and we felt sure we were in the clear.

I called over my support group and we started the long wait! Jake and my friend Rachel played Street Fighter while my Mom and I FaceTimed my brother, Jaten. The laughter was broken up by moments of silence, so I could focus on my breathing during contractions (I was implementing everything I’d learned during my hypnobirthing training)... things were honestly? Easy.

The pain wasn’t bad - I was super calm and collected, feeling like it was gonna be a breeze. We called the dr at 3am when I had gotten to about 5 minutes apart and they recommended we head in.

So we did! Feelin cool as a cucumber, though mildly uncomfortable, we went into triage to get things underway. They checked my progress and I was only at a 2. But I was confident I’d progress. About 2 hours of being tested and monitored they checked again and? Nothing. I felt defeated.

We were sent home to wait it out and I swear to God, the second we walked out of the hospital, things started getting intense.

We went home and I tried to sleep (poorly, might I add) and around 7:30 am the pain had made it so I couldn’t sleep anymore. Rather than wake Jake for no reason, I got in the bath and labored for about 40 minutes.

Around this time is when I started to realize what I was in for.

Expecting mamas, what I’m about to say is purely my experience. Please do not read this if you don’t want anything to influence your experience - it is different for everyone.

The pain I was experiencing was beyond anything I’d ever even imagined. I don’t know how to even describe what it was like. All I can say is, remember how I was going to do this whole thing naturally?

Yeah. Fuck that.

At 8:45 am we headed into the hospital again and I was a sweaty, sobbing mess. I could barely sign the papers they handed me to get me checked into the hospital, I was a goner.

I was escorted to my delivery room by an incredible nurse and she helped me get as comfortable as ahe could while we waited for my epidural. Poor Jake and my nurse had to listen to me yelling in pain, but they handled it like champs.

About 20 minutes later and one giant ass needle in my back and we were in smooth waters. From this point on, it truly was a different experience. We spent our time sleeping and laughing, joking with the nurses about pranks we imagined we’d play on them.

After six hours, I’d progressed from 3 to 10 and it was time to start pushing.

Our wonderful nurse came in and began instructing us - guiding us through how I was to push and how Jake should hold my legs. A total of a minute and a half of pushing and the nurse said we had to stop. If I kept going anymore, River would be born without our dr!

Dr. Pierson joined us in our delivery room and as we prepped to get River out here into our world, our nurse took my temperature.

This is where things got a little scary. My temperature was .1 degree under a fever. What did this mean? The nurse had to wait 5 minutes to test me again. If I had a fever, I was to be tested for Coronavirus, Jake would be Required to leave me, and I wouldn’t be able to hold my little girl for 2 weeks.

It was kind of surreal. We’d made it up until it was time to push and coronavirus still had a chance to fuck things up. I was scared.. I’d have to push alone, stay at the hospital alone, and quarantine my first 2 weeks home. I hated not knowing what was going to happen.

I was given a cold wash cloth to help bring my temperature down and it was go time. Our nurse swiped my forehead and neck with a thermometer... and we did it! My temperature was down and we could carry on as normal.

Dr. Pierson prepped the room, we all got into position, and he instructed me to start pushing. I pushed from 5:01 to 5:03 and that. Was. It.

River was here.

As they placed her on my stomach, we all laughed and joked. She was born into the world to the song The Circle of Life from The Lion King (how fitting is that?) and then we spent the next little bit getting her cleaned up.

Little River was 19 inches and 6.2 lbs. She was here - in our arms. What a journey.

As I think back on this day, this surreal experience, I can’t help but think back to our entire time together. From finding out I was pregnant to this final moment, it all was a rollercoaster.

I hated being pregnant... but looking back I see the value in my time spent creating my little girl. All of the tears and time spent prepping for her was worth it. She’s ours. Forever.

We spent the next two days learning from our nurses and watching The Office. Most of the hours were just hangin out and figuring out how to swaddle and burp, something we’re still not great at.

It is two days I will never forget. Time with my love, Jake, and our new addition.

I didn’t think of what would happen when we left the hospital, those feelings would come later. But I just soaked in the time with them.

These four weeks have been a blur. I’ve cried a lot. But as I come out of these baby blues and I spend more time with our farty girl, I become more and more grateful. We’ve learned so much about ourselves and we’ve grown closer. We also experienced what it was like to be supported by so many of you, first hand. You made and bought us meals, sent gifts, shared advice and so much more. Were so grateful for all of you.

Thank you so much.

To sum it all up, this is experience unlike anything Ive ever been through. River Lee McGriff, you’ve rocked my world.