Wow, oh, wow. Can you all believe we're coming to the end of 2019 already?? I don't know about y'all but daaaaaamn! This was the fastest-moving year of my life.
As the decade slams it's foot on the gas pedal and we come screeching into a new era, I wanted to be the first to say to you... Good. Fucking. Riddance. AMIRIGHT?! I mean, yeesh, wasn't that a whirlwind of 10 years. When I think back on the last ten years I see:
2010-11 - Finishing my freshman year an emo tomboy and going into my first year of high school doe-eyed and excited. Not knowing the world was about to wreck me. This was the beginning of team sports and the beginning of trying to figure out who I am.
2012- A year of being awkward, dating, and yes, still figuring out who I am.
2013 - Massive changes my family went through that made us all stronger, graduated high school, moved out on my own and.... can you guess? Figuring out who I am.
2014 - 2018 - Lots of ups and downs! I bought my own townhome, traveled as much as possible, met amazing people and lost some amazing people. It was years of confusion and so much fun.
and last but not least.
2019 - I started this year with the hardest breakup I've ever been through. I left a relationship of 6 years and, little did I know, it would fling me into one of the best/roughest years of my life. I met even more amazing friends, started a vegan lifestyle, learned a new skill and (as you know) I've begun a journey into the next chapter of my life.
With so much figuring out who I am, you'd think I'd know by now. But guess what, my dudes, I am still just as fucking lost as you are. However, I've learned we will always, always, be learning who we are. We may feel like we're spiraling out of control most times and wish we'd just have it all together, but learning to roll with the punches and simply loving what is, seems to be the best route to take.
So, 2019, adios mf!! I am here for 2020 and we ain't got NO time for negativity, holding back, and being sad. We are here for growth, love, happiness, joy, and adventure. If you don't want any of those things? I don't wanna hear it and I ain't sorry to say buh-bye to you.
With that, let's talk resolutions!
res·o·lu·tion /ˌrezəˈlo͞oSH(ə)n/
noun 1. a firm decision to do or not to do something. "she kept her resolution not to see Anne any more"
I don't know who she is, but good for her. Making firm decisions not to see that hoe Anne anymore and she stuck. with. it. New Years brings on resolutions and there's a lot of pressure to commit to something huge!
We've all been there - we start the new year strong and we're so proud of ourselves! We're dedicated, we're feeling happy, and then by February we've fallen back into our old ways and feeling shitty. All of this turns into a pattern of loving the beginning of a new year and slowly growing to hate the year... We become eager for the next new year to get here, so we can go back to the part of the pattern where we feel accomplished and successful. It's utterly exhausting, isn't it?? Oooh my Gawd – I'm sick of it.
Why do we do this? Well, there's a bunch of reasons and a lot of it depends on who you are as an individual. But at least for me, I think it's because I pick resolutions that I don't genuinely want. I think I want to read 10 books in a year, but the reality is I don't give a shit about reading. So why the hell would I pick that as a resolution? Maybe cause I thought it would make me feel smarter, more accomplished, more grown-up. Who knows, I couldn't tell ya.
So this year I thought long and hard (ayo) about what I truly wanted to do to better myself. I've talked about not losing myself after the baby gets here (check out this post), so I thought, "why don't I make a resolution to make sure I get dressed in real clothes (not leggings and sweats), every day, to feel good about myself?" But I don't even do that now so that's a load of crap and I'd throw that out the window the first sleepless night home. So I kept thinking. If I allowed myself to fill my plate with multiple tasks, I knew I wouldn't accomplish them and I'd feel bad about my resolutions. So I've set my sights on three Ps. To make this next year my bitch, I'm going to be:
Present, powerful, and patient.
Present - I want to take moments to check back into reality. I already know this year will be a rush of emotions and days where I'm too tired to function. Within those moments I want to make a conscious effort to slow down, put my phone away, and be present. Soak in the goodness and enjoy the time I have. I want to take fewer photos on my phone and more with an actual camera... that I get PRINTED. Yes, we're gonna act like its the early 2000's again. And I want to remind myself to breathe and be present. I noticed when I have these grounding moments, I'm so much more myself and I'm able to appreciate more.
Powerful - I want to do 3-5 things that frighten me this year. I'm kind of cheating a little with this one because I know giving birth is already going to make it on this list. But ultimately that was the main inspiration for this resolution. I'm absolutely, 100%, positively terrified of what I'm about to go through, but I want to take it by the horns and experience it all. I want to do more to prove to myself that I can do hard and scary things, and I am powerful. I'm thinking of making this a series that I write about too! To keep anyone who's reading in on the fun.
Patient - I want to work on my patience. That's really the only explanation I have for this resolution. I'm not a very patient person – I like things done a specific way, I get restless and I get frustrated easily. While my eagerness is also a strength for me, I'd like to put a little bit of that fire to rest. I want to lighten up, learn to think before speaking, listen more, and allow others to be less tense around me.
And that's it! My goals! I wanted to pick resolutions that I know I can stick to. Real goals I can focus on to make a better version of myself. I am really looking forward to this next year and I hope this inspires you to pick resolutions that actually mean something to you.
This next decade is ours, everyone. Truly ours. Stand up tall, be excited and positive, and say byyeeeee to the haters. We on a new level.
Comments